Let me set the scene for you. I am sitting at the counter of our hotel kitchen, the wall-to-wall sliding glass door is open letting in the soothing sounds of water and a fresh breeze and I have a hot cup of real Kona coffee within arms reach. So why is this post titled what it is? Why would anyone in my situation have a freak-out?
After a long day of travel, as we are driving to our hotel, my heart falls from my chest. We were just in the air for more than fifteen hours before we land in a place we know very little about, without a home or a car or a single familiar face. The first thought that runs through my mind is, “what did I do?!” I was the one who said Hawaii when Kyle asked my input on next duty station. I was the one ready to travel into the unknown without a second thought. I was ready for this……wasn’t I?
I usually don’t let my fears get in the way. I don’t like the fact that we are so far away from our family and I don’t like that it may be a while until we can see each other again. But when we decided Hawaii was going to be our new home I didn’t have any fears. None. I realize that that is not normal. People don’t just pack up their lives, travel across the world and start somewhere new without feeling a little bit of fear. But I didn’t. That is, until last night. I was ready to hop back on a plane and head home. To Florida, where we are around family and friends we grew up with or to DC, where I have some family and friends and familiarity. I didn’t like the feeling of being so lost and alone.
It didn’t help that it was dark when we left the airport and drove to the hotel. I couldn’t see what Hawaii had to offer; what I pictured when we learned we were moving here. It looked like any other city in the dark. I expected this lush, tropic landscape and all I saw was chain restaurants and highways. The mountains were hidden in the dark and palm trees are nothing new to this Florida girl. I just didn’t get the ‘Hawaii’ feeling which, I felt, would have covered any fears I had with excitement.
However, this morning we woke up at 7am local time -funny how the kids know 7 no matter which time zone they’re in- and we opened the big glass doors to see our new home for the next few years and all my fears melted away. The views are beautiful, the weather is beautiful, the sounds, smells and tastes are all beautiful. We are living in paradise thanks to Kyle’s job. My freak-out was normal but I am so glad it is over. I am excited to start our adventure here and I can’t wait to share it with our family and friends who come to visit. Yea, there are some things that suck (ie. being so far from home) but we’ll make it work like we always do. My little family is strong and we’re in this together. We got this!